#21 Imagine Yourself At Your Own Funeral
If you could change anything right now about your life, what would it be and why?
If I could change anything right now about my life, the amount of progress that I have created so far to my college process would be changed. I wish I would’ve talked to more teachers at the end of the school year last year, and done some programs or volunteer hours during summer. I know that it’s still relatively early, but it would’ve been best to start early than start on time, in my opinion, so I can get less stressed out about my college path. I remind myself that we were online for most of the school year so I shouldn’t be too harsh on myself, but I still had plenty of opportunities at the end of the school year. I would have wanted to be a part of a summer program, have at least 30 or 40 volunteer hours from the summer, and take extra classes at a college instead of only taking one, and maybe I could’ve even started a club. I know that for most people this is already a grand idea but for myself, it’s simply making progress. However, I need to realize that I am gratefully in Leadership now, where I have a lot of opportunities to do these things, and since it’s early in the year, I can work on my volunteer hours. If I was on track, I wouldn’t be stressed out at all and happy with the progress that I have made, and that thought of not making progress wouldn’t constantly loom in the back of my mind. I also wish I was in Leadership last year so I could have made even more progress and also could’ve done the career research early on and I could have made the choice of what I want to be in the future.
If I could change anything right now about my life, the amount of progress that I have created so far to my college process would be changed. I wish I would’ve talked to more teachers at the end of the school year last year, and done some programs or volunteer hours during summer. I know that it’s still relatively early, but it would’ve been best to start early than start on time, in my opinion, so I can get less stressed out about my college path. I remind myself that we were online for most of the school year so I shouldn’t be too harsh on myself, but I still had plenty of opportunities at the end of the school year. I would have wanted to be a part of a summer program, have at least 30 or 40 volunteer hours from the summer, and take extra classes at a college instead of only taking one, and maybe I could’ve even started a club. I know that for most people this is already a grand idea but for myself, it’s simply making progress. However, I need to realize that I am gratefully in Leadership now, where I have a lot of opportunities to do these things, and since it’s early in the year, I can work on my volunteer hours. If I was on track, I wouldn’t be stressed out at all and happy with the progress that I have made, and that thought of not making progress wouldn’t constantly loom in the back of my mind. I also wish I was in Leadership last year so I could have made even more progress and also could’ve done the career research early on and I could have made the choice of what I want to be in the future.
#22 Repeat to Yourself, “Life Isn’t an Emergency”
Describe a time or moment in your life when you turn something into an emergency.
A moment in my life that I have turned into an emergency is when I wake up later than I intended to, on the weekends, and get behind on working my schoolwork. This means that I might complete less of what I wanted to do in a day, and will have to carry that assignment out into the next day. This is exactly what just happened with my AP World History notes! I had to work on them later than the set time because I took more time eating, and I was disappointed in myself for not finishing them earlier. However, I still got the work done! Why do I worry so much, when it’s the weekend, and not just a regular weekend, a three-day weekend at that! I don’t ever have late work, so I always get my work done, but I still get so anxious and worry so much about my work, not on a normal level. Some people go out and have parties on the weekends, go fishing or camping, visit family, but I still worry so much about the time that I start working on my homework. My teachers aren’t yelling at me that I started my work later in the day, nobody does, so I make it my own emergency.
A moment in my life that I have turned into an emergency is when I wake up later than I intended to, on the weekends, and get behind on working my schoolwork. This means that I might complete less of what I wanted to do in a day, and will have to carry that assignment out into the next day. This is exactly what just happened with my AP World History notes! I had to work on them later than the set time because I took more time eating, and I was disappointed in myself for not finishing them earlier. However, I still got the work done! Why do I worry so much, when it’s the weekend, and not just a regular weekend, a three-day weekend at that! I don’t ever have late work, so I always get my work done, but I still get so anxious and worry so much about my work, not on a normal level. Some people go out and have parties on the weekends, go fishing or camping, visit family, but I still worry so much about the time that I start working on my homework. My teachers aren’t yelling at me that I started my work later in the day, nobody does, so I make it my own emergency.
#23 Analyze: “It puts our quieter, softer, and sometimes most intelligent source of thinking to work for us on issues that we have no immediate answer for.
The “it” that this quote is speaking about is our back burner. I believe that this quote means that our back burner uses thinking that is less “active” to work on issues that cannot be worked out immediately. There are just times when issues cannot be solved immediately, so you would have to mentally put it on the back burner to think about now and then, using passive thinking to solve it. More active thinking that is louder would be the sort of thinking that forces you to constantly be thinking about the issue or about the assignment that is due. It is good to put issues on the back burner because you shouldn’t waste your time thinking about something when it is more efficient to just put it on the back burner to think about it later. The quote even explains how the sort of thinking that comes with putting something on the back burner can be more intelligent, meaning that you would be able to solve some problems in a more intelligent manner that creates better and more positive outcomes for you and the people involved.
#24: Who is one person you would thank in this moment and why? I challenge you to communicate this gratitude with this person.
At this moment, a person I would like to thank is my dad. Whenever I ask him if he could take me to a place or play tennis with me, he always agrees. He cares a lot for me and will always take me wherever I need to go even if he just got off from work and is tired. I would like to thank him at this moment because even though he is sort of injured, he still agreed to play tennis with me. He also asks me to go with him to places if I have time or walk my dog with him when he is home from work. Without him, I wouldn't be able to enjoy the many things that I enjoy. He always cares for others like his family first before himself. He also pushes me and motivates me to do good in school and to be whatever I want to be. I know that he will be happy with whatever career option that I choose, as long as I am happy. If I am happy, he's happy.
#25: When you read this chapter, regarding eye contact & connect, what are your initial thoughts?
My initial thoughts are that giving a smile or a wave to a stranger shouldn't be considered something strange, but rather something normal in our society. It doesn't cost anything to be a nice person to everyone around you, and many people have even said that something as small as waving to someone can brighten their day. I know that personally if I'm just walking around the school and I see someone wave or smile at me, I get happy thinking that someone knows me and wants to say hi. People are quick to judge others by what they look like, such as their face or their clothing. They might think that someone hates them just because they weren't smiling or "looking happy" at them. However, this isn't the case most of the time, and the person that didn't look happy was maybe just lost in thought thinking about what they were going to do for the rest of the day. I'm nervous myself in case I ever looked unhappy in my neutral face and someone thought that I was mad at them, when I was just preoccupied with other things. I'm going to try to wave at people when I pass them in the halls because I know it's a nice gesture, but it's kind of awkward to smile at strangers for me because of the masks. But overall, I do understand this concept and think it should be more of a normal thing.
#26: When do you find a quiet moment in your day, every day, just to be present and quiet? Do you? Or perhaps you don’t… explain.
I do not find a quiet moment in my everyday life, but after talking about this chapter in class, I feel like I should. I don't have any quiet moments to myself because I just never thought of having them. If I do have time to do so, I probably would just go on my phone. I never realize how my brain is constantly being stimulated at any given moment, so it would be nice to just take a break from all of that. I think nowadays people like to brag about how they don't care for themselves and stay up all night doing homework and other school things. Self care isn't thought of to be important, but it is so important to being a healthier and happier person. Short moments of peace and quiet can mean everything for someone, whether it be meditating or just a quiet moment. It is very important to care for yourself and let yourself have breaks, especially when you have to constantly take on daunting tasks. If I have time for some peace and quiet, then I'll try this out to see if it makes a difference in my productivity. I feel like I waste a lot of time in my day by going to stores and everything, so once I get my work done, I'll take a quiet moment to myself.
#27: Describe a time when you have been frustrated with someone, but you “let go” of the situation and moved forward with your life. How did that make you feel?
This situation has actually been pretty recent and fresh in my mind. I was frustrated with my friend because we had communication problems and we barely spoke to each other anymore because she would hang out somewhere else and then I would be in club meetings and it was just a mess. I extremely dislike fighting, I dislike how it takes up my energy that I have and I especially dislike how it's always someone that's important to me that I'm fighting with. I talked with my other friends about what was happening and one of them decided that I should "let go" of the situation. So that was what I did. I soon realized that I didn't want this argument or fight to destroy our friendship, that it really wasn't that important to care about. I care about my friend more than these fights. It made me feel good because I was soon able to just talk normally with my friend and not be arguing. I think that I am an overthinker and that I care about things much more than I should, on a level that isn't healthy. I need to learn how to just "let go" of things that aren't worth my energy. There will always be plenty of things to care about, such as my family, and instead of wasting my energy on things that aren't important, I will spend that energy to spend time with my family.
#28: Describe a situation where you didn’t seek to understand first. Was there resolution with this conflict?
Although I can’t fully describe the situation, my friend came to me when she had a lot of problems in her personal life and she felt really negative about everything that was going on. Instead of just understanding her situation, I just tried to give her advice that honestly, wasn’t that good. And she even told me, she doesn’t want to follow that sort of advice, but she just wants to be heard, and just wants to be understood. I knew that at that moment, I just have to be a good listener and just fully understand everything that she was saying, not trying to just spew out any sort of help or advice that I can think of, but just be someone that she can listen to. There was a resolution to this conflict because I was able to understand the sort of role that I should have played.
#29: Who is someone that you can genuinely talk to, that you know will listen to you? Describe this relationship.
When trying to answer this question, I scoured my brain for any person that I can think of that I go to for anything, someone that fully comforts and listens to me when I have issues. I immediately thought of my mom. There have been so many moments in my life where I have been faced with a variety of issues, big and small, and only until the last second, I went to my mom for advice. This has resulted in me regretting waiting so long to ask her for her help for my issues, but I’m always happy that I went to her after she has listened to me and given me advice. She always gives great advice and is someone that uplifts me at any moment, that brings positivity into my life when I can feel so negative. Her advice has sometimes changed how I view the world, how I view other people, and how I view myself. Not only is her advice very great and helpful, but she is a great listener, she always pays attention to what I’m saying and I can tell that she genuinely cares. When I was younger, I didn’t go to her often for advice or help, but when I did, I was always able to solve my issues or think in a completely different way of the events or problems that occurred. I have complete trust in her, which is why I know that I can genuinely talk to her. Because she is older than me and has gone through much more things in life than me, she sometimes has gone through problems that I have gone through, which is also another reason of why she is a great listener; because she has experienced what I have experienced. I’m very grateful to have someone like her in my life. I am also trying to make more connections with people in high school to be able to find someone that I can genuinely talk to, and I’m reaching out to new people.
#30: Describe a time where you “lost your Shhhh” and in reality, it wasn’t worth the energy. How did you feel after the confrontation? Could it have gone differently if you didn’t sweat the small stuff?
This one time, I had conflict with my friend because she and the rest of my friend group didn’t invite me to any sort of Halloween event that they went to, for example, they went to a Trunk or Treat at a friend’s church and they also went to the football game where the cheerleaders were in costumes, so their performance was really unique. I ignored my friend for about a week after she texted me saying that she had so much fun at the party, and then when lunch came, she was sitting at our regular lunch spot so I knew that the time came for me to “confront” her. When she asked me if I was mad at her, I sort of blew up, I wasn’t yelling or anything, but I know that I sounded angry and just mad, like I just wanted to fight. I didn’t even say the right words that I wanted to say, and then after she went to get her lunch and come back, we didn’t speak. I don’t ever have really explosive moments, unfortunately, everything now is all through text, but I just regret sounding, I guess so mad, and not how I actually felt, which was hurt and just desolate. It sounded like I just wanted to fight, but all my emotions that I didn’t communicate because I ignored her all just spewed out. After the confrontation, I just felt bad and regretted it so much. It definitely would’ve gone better if I communicated to her beforehand, and when I saw her at lunch, if I didn’t make it as big of a deal, and just talked to her as if it didn’t hurt me that much.
#31: Explain a time when you were in a bad mood and how it shaped your day. Vice versa, explain a time when you were in a great mood and discuss the day you had.
Sometimes when I wake up in the mornings, I’m just in a bad mood for no reason. And then, I do the worst thing that I could ever do, and I take it out on the people around me. Sometimes I’m just mad that I woke up like five minutes later, and instead of realizing that that’s my fault, I get angry at my dad. In no way does he deserve this, and I am working to fix this issue that I have, but I always regret acting out like this. Now, if I do feel angry for whatever reason, I think to myself, I can be mad, but just do not take it out on your dad. Throughout my day, I just keep on thinking back on how I treated my dad and how I regret doing it, and even worse, how my dad is affected by it. Just thinking about how he is affected, I want to change this, which is why I’m taking those steps to think to myself, “You can be mad, just not at your dad.”
A time when I had a great mood is when I see that I have gotten good grades on Aeries, for example, an A on a math test that I thought I did badly on. Although it probably is bad for grades to affect your life in such a strong way, I feel happy for the rest of the day because I don’t have the anxiety or worry if I did well on a test or not. I don’t only feel better just because of the number grade, but also because I know that I put in hard work, and that hard work is reflected in the grade that I got.
A time when I had a great mood is when I see that I have gotten good grades on Aeries, for example, an A on a math test that I thought I did badly on. Although it probably is bad for grades to affect your life in such a strong way, I feel happy for the rest of the day because I don’t have the anxiety or worry if I did well on a test or not. I don’t only feel better just because of the number grade, but also because I know that I put in hard work, and that hard work is reflected in the grade that I got.
#32: Life Isn’t A Test. It Is Only A Test
“As an experiment, see if you can apply this idea to something you are forced to deal with” right now. Explain your emotions and logic behind this situation. Can you rise above it?
Right now, I have to face the situation of having to study for my AP World History exam. Now this is only an issue because I feel as if I do not have enough time to study, the little time that I had free is taken away because I have to go to tennis practice. Because of how I see this issue as a problem rather than a test, I feel as if I cannot fix this. I feel like I cannot fix this because I cannot control the amount of homework that my teachers give me, and I cannot control the amount of time that tennis practice takes, and I cannot control how long the tennis games are. My emotions are also very scattered because it is very important to me to have a good score on the AP exam, so to be able to have a good score on the AP Exam, I must make time to study so that I know all of the information needed. However, to think of this as a test, instead of a problem, I don’t panic as much, and think of ways to make time to study. Similar to the book, I decide to do only what is needed on some days and I always try my best to stay focused on my work so that I can finish it quicker. I definitely can rise above this, I am the one who controls my productivity and what I do with my time. I am the one that decides that life is just a test, so I rise above this situation.
Chapter #33: Praise And Blame Are The Same
You will not please everyone…how does this statement sit with you and why do we tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive?
I have heard this statement many times, and while I wish it did not, it disturbs me. While I do not consider myself a people pleaser, I still want to be liked by everyone else. However, by trying to please everyone, I have decided that is not the real me, I cannot act like a fake person, people will surely see through the fake act, Therefore, I have decided that being my genuine self, someone that is not fake and someone that does not put others before them, is the best option for me. I wanted to stay neutral on all issues, so as to not offend anybody, but actually saying my opinions and expressing myself freely is something that is so much better and I have just learned that I will not please everyone. I feel like people tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive because everyone is so self-critical. People always feel like they are doing something wrong, like everything that they do is flawed. This is because there are so many high standards placed on everyone, placed on people in highschool to people who are of retirement age. People want to be successful at all times, they never wanted to be considered as something that is below average. With every task that someone is given, some people that I know always want to be over-achievers and give 110% effort, which is not something bad, but this causes for a lot of perfectionists and people to hate themselves if they are not good enough. Even if someone did something good, they want to focus more on improving themselves which will then push them to focus on the negative more. If people just focused on the positive more, I think people would be much happier and more proud of themselves for what they accomplished. I think the performance of people on said tasks would also be much better because they will feel more empowered as they work on more projects.
Chapter #34: Practice Random Acts of Kindness
Describe a time when you complete RAK and how did it make you feel?
A time of when I complete RAK is when I hold the door for others, when I wave at people I see walking by me in the hall. I find these RAK very easy to do, they do not take a lot of effort for me to do, and they are honestly things that are like second nature to me. Whenever I see people express how grateful they are for the fact that I opened the door for them or if I waved at them, I always feel really good, and I am always glad that I committed that RAK. I know that the person that I did the RAK to also feels happy and positive, I know that I surely would feel better if I saw someone that I passed by wave at me. Due to the effect that I have, I know that other people will also feel the same way. I think all sorts of RAK, whether you smile at someone, or if you pay for someone behind you at the Starbucks drive-through, I think that it is great of how grand the effects are of RAK, even though these acts are not huge, they can still change a whole person’s day. This shows how someone doesn’t need to put a lot of effort into making others happy, the reason why these RAK create such large effects is because they show that someone thought about another person. I also think that RAK are the way that will cause more people to be overall happy, if more people start to do RAK, not forcefully but just something that is natural to them, because if people do RAK forcefully then it will be obvious and the effects will not be created. But if RAK are widespread, then acts of compassion and empathy will be prevalent throughout everyone, and I truly believe that society can improve in this way.